Relationships are the spice of life. They cause people’s minds to go on fire with feel-good chemicals. The senses awaken when people fall in love. Colors seem brighter. Smells seem more aromatic. Tastes become richer. Sounds captivate you. You can start to tingle all over. When a relationship is healthy, growing, and moving in a mutually-desired direction, people can thrive by having relationships.
When relationships cause pain of any kind, that is when one wants to consider why they are in the relationship. Sure, do people let us down? Absolutely. No one is perfect. However, when pain takes on a certain form, it can be unhealthy for both you and your partner to keep the relationship alive. Here are the reasons you should consider leaving a relationship.
DANGER: LEAVE IMMEDIATELY
- Your partner is physically abusing your children, your loved ones, or you.
- Your partner has an addiction.
- Your actions and decisions are fear-based.
- Your partner is abnormally jealous or distrusting.
- Your partner makes you feel belittled.
- Your partner has cheated or continually cheats on you.
- Your partner is controlling and/or makes you account for where you are and what you’re doing at all times of the day.
- Your partner wants you to change something about yourself that is unreasonable or cruel, such as losing weight in order for your partner to love you or be intimate with you.
- Your partner has a mental illness he/she refuses to get consistent, professional help with. The word “consistent” is the key.
- Your partner cannot control his personal finances and/or abuses access to your finances.
NO DANGER, BUT DEFINITELY CONSIDER LEAVING
- You’re ignoring your instincts that make you feel you should leave your partner.
- Your partner can’t accept constructive criticism.
- Your partner does not make reasonable changes after discussing hard topics or confronting him/her.
- You think to yourself, “This will change about him/her,” or “If I only do ‘x,’ then he/she will do ‘y.’”
- You don’t feel comfortable being your true self around your partner.
- Your partner doesn’t show consistent support and compassion for who you were in the past, who you are currently, AND who you want to be in the future.
- Your partner is selfish.
- Your values differ.
- You have to make excuses for his/her actions to others.
- Your partner is constantly criticizing you or those you care about.
- Your partner and you don’t have a definitive understanding of what your future holds for your relationship.
- Your partner doesn’t have the same capacity for affection and intimacy as you do.
- You want distance from your partner.
- You can’t seem to get on the same page and communicate effectively.
- Your partner does not put in the same time and energy into the relationship as you do.
- Your partner is fearful of committing fully.
- Your partner blames others for internal problems.
Keep in mind that it is okay to feel how you feel. Trust your gut instincts. They have been developed over the course of your entire life, as you have learned right from wrong according to your values. Don’t diminish them. Listen to them, and you will be surprised as to how you truly feel. These can lead you to realizing how you honestly feel about a relationship and notice things you have not noticed before that are going wrong.
If you need help leaving a relationship and/or feel afraid to leave a relationship for any reason, reach out to the following resources for help:
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline
- This is the top resource for preparing to leave your partner in a manner that keeps you and your loved ones safe. Find resources here that help you and/or your loved ones escape an abusive relationship.
- “Safety Alert: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.”
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- About Us
- Help Someone in an Unhealthy Relationship: Quick tips
- WomensLaw.org | Getting Ready to Leave
- Money Fears Keep Women in Abusive Relationships. Here’s How to Change That.
- Finding Resources in Your Area